Tuesday, May 6, 2008
"I used to take 'em out to eat but they wasn't really eatin'
Mighta got a little head but I wasn't really cheatin'"
It's hard when your lady don't believe what you say
And what you did in the past you gotta live with today
She asked if they could spend the night together
He thought, and said, "I'm tryin' to get my life together"
Went home to his lady, these were his confessions
"Baby you a blessin' and my best friend"
- "Faithful" by Common
Well I want to start this one off by asking the question, is oral sex non-sex enough to not be considered cheating?
I was talking to a male acquaintance yesterday and we got into an interesting debate on what should and should not be allowed in the context of a relationship and/or marriage. Like the infamous Common line above, to him head is not considered an act worthy of being labeled cheating.
In fact, his words were, "Men have needs, real talk. If the opportunity presents itself, then it really isn't a big deal, because well, it's just head."
So I had to ask, "Does that work both ways?" He said that it did. Which led me to this post. I have had a chance to sleep on it, and again I wonder why do people enter into these jiveass relationships unfulfilled or with other agendas. The whole point of a relationship is exclusivity. You are exclusively seeing one person (well, unless you live in Texas and Utah). You are exclusively sleeping with one person, etc. So why then, get into a relationship, or worse marriage, and then decide to dip out and receive oral favors from other people? Wouldn't it be easier, not to mention a lot less messy to just be single and get oral gratification from whomever you please.
What drove me to that conclusion is when my friend said, "just don't get caught...just don't tell." That implies that you are doing something wrong, which is a contradiction of his earlier statement. If it's "just head," and it doesn't mean anything, what are we keeping secrets for? Not to mention, this just opens pandora's box for more actions that will eventually ruin whatever you have with that person.
Case in point, a girlfriend of mine was in the same situation. She found out from sidepiece A that her man was getting oral favors from said sidepiece. Oh, and just as an aside to any men reading this, sometimes women will set you up. Be a little leery of women too eager to do favors when you are in a relationship because that could be a true hater. She could be someone who knows your woman, and you may be unaware of this. And, as soon as the deed is done, she is skipping to tell your woman what has gone down, so be careful with the sidepieces. Back to my friend. She found out from her man's sidepiece that he had been getting oral favors. She confronted him about it, he brushed it off as though it was nothing. Then when she threatened to walk, he apologized and gave her the "I'll never do it again," script. So a few months later, she finds out that it has happened again with a different chica. Well at this point, I am pretty sure she is going to walk, but instead she stays with him. However, she launches into a barrage of oral exploits with several men who have been trying to get with her, but she has turned down due to her relationship. This went on for years! What a waste.
I consider myself a pretty good actress when I want to be, but not in my real life. I can't be around a man that I know I am dipping off on, his family, friends (including a few I have dipped off with) and pretend like we are just a happy couple. That's crazy! So, I say, if you want a little head, maybe you shouldn't be tied to anyone if you feel the need to have a variety. Afterall, that's the joy of being single!