The POP-UP???

So, there comes a time in every relationship, where the issue of how often your significant other can slide through to see you comes up. At what point can they just drop in, without a prior phone call or text? And, what do you do, if they call or text you, you tell them you're busy and they still come over?

On the latest episode of That Guy, Mike, who has been having some issues with his on-again/off-again girlfriend Denise, decides to pop-up at her crib. Now, he already called and spoke with her and she told him that she was busy and would have to get back with him. So, then he proceeded to blow up her phone with subsequent text messages and calls, until finally, he popped up over her house.

In the same episode, Judah (Mike's roommate and best friend)decides to pop-up on Stacy, his ex. Not only is Stacy his ex, but she has been dating one of his friends.

Check out the episode and leave your thoughts on what happens when you decide to just "pop-up" on folks for your own personal benefit.

Best Man Holiday

It almost feels surreal, but The Best Man really did come out 13 years ago! My, how time flies. I can remember sitting in a crowded theater watching what I would deem as the last great black movie I've seen in the theaters. Forgive me, but I do not count Tyler Perry. While, I admit to enjoying both Why Did I Get Married and The Family That Preys, I wouldn't dub them "great films".

So, after 13 years, we finally get a sequel.




Three Things I noticed from this teaser trailer:

1) MURCH AND CANDY GOT MARRIED

In the original movie, we all laughed as Murch allowed Quentin to fill him with whiskey shots as Candy sashayed out and gave him the lap dance of his life. While they made a connection, and she even accompanied him to the wedding, we don't know what happens after that. We are only left to assume, they dated, maybe tried to make it work. In the teaser, we see them getting married. Now later on, we see a shot of Candy in a much shorter hairstyle by herself. But, thus far, every scene, Murch looks happy. Although, that could mean, now happily single. But, somehow I get the feeling those two will make it.

2) LANCE AND MIA MAY NOT BE TOGETHER

These two were the main subjects in the first film. After all, they did get married (kicking and screaming), but they did it. Yet, in the teaser, we never even see these two together. Lance did get a new NFL contract in the original, and as we all now know, it is hard to stay happily married, when you are a professional athlete. We also know that Lance had committment issues. If he had them then, I can imagine what they faced later. Either way, their storyline will be very interesting in this sequel. Did he ever forgive her for her tryst with Harper? Will she continue to forgive his indiscretions?

3) JORDAN WENT WITH THE SWIRL

Interracial dating stays on my radar these days. Lately, it seems to always be in regards to black women dating outside of their race. Whether it is black women with white men, Asian men or some other ethnicity. Clearly, in 2013, it is no longer trendy for black women to still hold out for the brothas. So, I was pleasantly surprised to see them write a white male lead for Jordan, as Harper teases: "Ooh, I'm telling mama, you got a white boy." Interesting that they would put someone like her, driven and successful in an interracial relationship.

So far, I like what I see. Hopefully this will start a new trend of great black movies again. Instead of this slave theme that Hollywood has taken to. Either way, November can't get here fast enough for me.

Jonesin'

I first saw Love Jones when it came out in 1997. I was fresh out of a relationship that so incredibly paralleled the movie, I could barely stand to watch it the first time I saw it. However, this movie brings forth four archetypes that we often see in relationships. Now you may be asking yourself, four? I thought a relationship only involved two people. That is the goal, but normally, there are always "other folk" who end up playing a major role. What better way to foray into such a topic, but by discussing the film, Love Jones. This movie, in its simplicity uncovered the roles and the games that we often play when we're jonesin' and can't handle the vulnerability and emotions that come with it.

The Lovers

"I gather up each sound you left behind and stretch them on our bed. Each night I breathe you and become high." - Nina quoting Sonia Sanchez

Darius Lovehall and Nina Moseley were the lovers in this film. The two people who immediately connect, in an elemental way. It's a given fact upon their first meeting that they will indeed "hook up". As a woman, I hate that. It sucks to meet a man and be so chemically attracted to him, that it's blatant something is going to go down. Mainly because that, in and of itself is complicated. Rushing into something physical with someone new, ALWAYS complicates things, especially if you have loose ends that haven't quite been tied up yet.

The Loose Ends

"I'm going to get some mothafuckin toasted oats, cause you trippin." - Marvin

Often, the loose ends are exes. It's a given when you start something new, if there is an ex still in the picture, there will be drama. It's amazing how when you break up with someone, your ex is cool. You all may even find ways to amicably coexist. But as soon as your ex sees the new person, the drama begins and to hell with being amicable. The more complicated loose end is the "in-between person". You know those people we sometimes hook up with in-between relationships. This is a dangerous situation because unless you have a CLEAR understanding, the in-between person can become comfortable (for both of you) and can indirectly block you meeting someone new. Also, the in-between person can begin to feel a certain amount of entitlement, get used to a particular treatment and can find themselves competing with the new person. In Love Jones, the loose ends were Marvin and Lisa.

I always found the part in the film when Marvin decided to "see if there was still something there," interesting. The fact is, Nina knew she wasn't still interested in Marvin when he approached her. Yet, listening to her friend Josie, she decided to play games with Darius and go to NY and kick it with Marvin while looking for a job. But the fault wasn't all on her. When confronted with the situation, Darius played it cool, even though it killed him to see her go to NY where her ex was. Then to add insult to injury, he hooks back up with the in-between while she's gone. So, of course when she returns, the loose ends had complicated their whole groove.

This is where being grown comes to play. Now the game playing would have been understandable, had they been 12 and in junior high. But these almost 30 grown folks were pretending to be just "chillin," when they had both fallen from that first look. Life is too damn short to pretend when you find someone you truly love!

The Friends

"Everybody is always talking about jumping, diving and falling in love. Please, somebody tell me how to stay there!" - Savon

Friends are like footnotes when you are in a relationship. You refer to them because you know they already check out, however, it may not be the information that you need. True friends will offer advice, but constantly remind you to follow your heart. Even if you get hurt, your friend will be there to pick you back up. Fake friends and associates masquerading as friends will give you "free advice," that will probably quickly end your relationship. In Love Jones, the friends were Savon and Josie. The interesting twist to these two was they were real friends. The problem was they were both ill-equipped in helping Nina and Darius. Savon was a married teacher, an intellectual who was falling out of love with his wife. His marriage had lost its steam and for someone who usually had the answer to everything, he didn't know how to fix it. Josie was the typical sisterfriend to Nina. She was sweet and attractive, outspoken and funny, yet she was single and didn't seem to have any prospects lined up. So she was invariably living vicariously through Nina, which meant all of her advice would be how SHE would handle it, not how Nina should handle it.

I am immune to this. I have too many friends who fall into the issues category and since I was a little girl, I have been known to not take advice from people I wouldn't change places with. This is no disrespect to some of my friends, but if they've never had a successful relationship or have issues with men how can they offer me advice on something potentially real? Again, back to the grown folks stuff. When you get to a certain age, you should know who you can and can't take advice from.

The Haters

"I don't need poetry to get women. No, what you need is a personality. Try some breath mints and a Visa card." - Wood, Sheila and Savon

It is my belief that when God blesses you with the opportunity to find true love, and you accept it, you will be tested. If your heart is right, you will pass the test. But, if you are on that bowlshyt, the test will get the best of you. In Love Jones, without a doubt, the hater was Wood. The funny thing is, we knew Wood was a hater, before Nina and Darius hooked up. Why? Because the hater is usually an associate - masquerading as a friend. They are already jealous of you, and often walk around pontificating about things that just aren't true. They have to make themselves look good at all costs. As soon as Wood saw trouble in paradise, he swooped in to try and woo Nina. Nina, being the honest person she was assumed he was actually Darius's friend so she trusted him. She quickly found out the truth about him, even though he defamed her and tried to make it appear that the two of them were more than just friends. I've noticed that men tend to keep haters around them, maybe because they are more competitive than women, but the hater will most definitely test you, especially if it's obvious that this new thing is the real thing!


That Jones

"Romance is about the possibility of the thang. You see its about the time between when you first meet some fine ass woman and when you first make love to her. And when you first ask a woman to marry you and when she says I do. When people who have been together a long time say that the romance is gone.. Mmm-hmm, what they really saying is.... they've exhausted the possibilities" - Darius Lovehall

So why do we go through all of these characters in our lives? Why do we play games? Why can't we just accept a good opportunity when we see it? I think it's fear. I don't care who you are, if you live long enough, you will get your heart broken. Love is the most infuriating wonderful thing to ever happen to the world. It can be so painful and so incredible all at the same time. A lot of this is the result of fear. But, fear is not of God, and since God is love, then seeking it is a risk we all must take!



"You always want what you want when you want it? Why is everything always so urgent with you?" - Nina

"Let me tell you somethin'. This here, right now, at this very moment, is all that matters to me. I love you. That's urgent like a motherfucker." - Darius

Just as an aside to this post. There are certain parts of this film that really spoke to me.

When Darius performed his poem for Nina..."I'm the blues in your left thigh, trying to become the funk in your right."
I also loved when he met up with her at Dr. Wax. Once he saw she wasn't trying to get hooked up, he asked if he could play something for her, and he played Charlie Parker.

The part when they had their first date and she was riding on the back of his motorcycle in her shades all close to him - that was HOT!

When their date night ended and he walked her to the door. From the kiss to the whole talk about just going upstairs to talk.

And of course the end, when he caught her in the rain and professed his urgent love for her. This movie exemplifies the consummate love story. But what I love about it, it's a black love story!

Faithful????

"I used to take 'em out to eat but they wasn't really eatin'
Mighta got a little head but I wasn't really cheatin'"
It's hard when your lady don't believe what you say
And what you did in the past you gotta live with today
She asked if they could spend the night together
He thought, and said, "I'm tryin' to get my life together"
Went home to his lady, these were his confessions
"Baby you a blessin' and my best friend"

- "Faithful" by Common

Well I want to start this one off by asking the question, is oral sex non-sex enough to not be considered cheating?

I was talking to a male acquaintance yesterday and we got into an interesting debate on what should and should not be allowed in the context of a relationship and/or marriage. Like the infamous Common line above, to him head is not considered an act worthy of being labeled cheating.

In fact, his words were, "Men have needs, real talk. If the opportunity presents itself, then it really isn't a big deal, because well, it's just head."

So I had to ask, "Does that work both ways?" He said that it did. Which led me to this post. I have had a chance to sleep on it, and again I wonder why do people enter into these jiveass relationships unfulfilled or with other agendas. The whole point of a relationship is exclusivity. You are exclusively seeing one person (well, unless you live in Texas and Utah). You are exclusively sleeping with one person, etc. So why then, get into a relationship, or worse marriage, and then decide to dip out and receive oral favors from other people? Wouldn't it be easier, not to mention a lot less messy to just be single and get oral gratification from whomever you please.

What drove me to that conclusion is when my friend said, "just don't get caught...just don't tell." That implies that you are doing something wrong, which is a contradiction of his earlier statement. If it's "just head," and it doesn't mean anything, what are we keeping secrets for? Not to mention, this just opens pandora's box for more actions that will eventually ruin whatever you have with that person.

Case in point, a girlfriend of mine was in the same situation. She found out from sidepiece A that her man was getting oral favors from said sidepiece. Oh, and just as an aside to any men reading this, sometimes women will set you up. Be a little leery of women too eager to do favors when you are in a relationship because that could be a true hater. She could be someone who knows your woman, and you may be unaware of this. And, as soon as the deed is done, she is skipping to tell your woman what has gone down, so be careful with the sidepieces. Back to my friend. She found out from her man's sidepiece that he had been getting oral favors. She confronted him about it, he brushed it off as though it was nothing. Then when she threatened to walk, he apologized and gave her the "I'll never do it again," script. So a few months later, she finds out that it has happened again with a different chica. Well at this point, I am pretty sure she is going to walk, but instead she stays with him. However, she launches into a barrage of oral exploits with several men who have been trying to get with her, but she has turned down due to her relationship. This went on for years! What a waste.

I consider myself a pretty good actress when I want to be, but not in my real life. I can't be around a man that I know I am dipping off on, his family, friends (including a few I have dipped off with) and pretend like we are just a happy couple. That's crazy! So, I say, if you want a little head, maybe you shouldn't be tied to anyone if you feel the need to have a variety. Afterall, that's the joy of being single!